Ask Grace

Question: I leave my cell phone on for emergencies and check the phone when it rings. When I get an emergency call that requires immediate attention and I am in a face-to-face meeting, what is the best way to deal with the people I am meeting with?

Answer: At the beginning of your meeting it is best to let others know that you might be getting an emergency call that you will have to answer. It is polite to step out of the meeting so that you will not disturb the meeting you were attending.

Question: Someone told me that in the south, it is not appropriate to reach for a woman's hand in greeting. In this day and age, is this still an issue?

Answer: Men are not to extend their hands to a woman in social situations in the Western culture and throughout most of the world. It is up to the woman or her family to extend her hand if she desires. Now it is different if the woman is in business. She follows the same rules as a man in business.

Question: Should I use my cell phone in a face-to-face meeting?

Answer: It is considered rude to stop a face to face conversation to answer your cell phone especially in a business situation. It makes the person you are having a face to face conversation feel less important. Your calls should go to voice mail or at the beginning of the meeting let the other person(s) know that you are expecting an important call and may have to answer the phone. If you need to take the call you should remove yourself to a private place.

Question: How do you feel about people coming unannounced to your home? It seems to me that the door-to-door home sales approach has gone out of style, and I am glad. I know that I don't appreciate people I don't know disturbing the sanctity and privacy of my home, and I prefer people I do know letting me know if they are in the neighborhood before they show up knocking on my door.

Answer: Sales people coming to your front door can be annoying but for some sales people that may be their only marketing tool and is necessary for them. If you do not want anyone coming to your door to sell you something then I suggest you put a “No Soliciting” sign up near or on your door.

Remember it is hard enough to do door to door selling so if you do get a sales person at your door, the best way to handle it is to politely tell them that you are very busy and you don’t need anything. Then tell them that you hope they have better luck on their next prospect smile and gently close and lock the door. Remember, most are just trying to feed their families and that is a rough way to do it.

If you are home alone and you have a sign out, you don’t have to open the door. Sometimes that is the safest thing to do.

I remember selling encyclopedias door to door soon after I graduated from high school. It was my first sales experience. I didn’t like it but there were some times when I met some wonderful people that welcomed me into their homes to hear my pitch. Almost hard to believe in this day and age but I learned a lot about sales and people.

Question: When I was in congress, i eventually had to ban the use, or possession, of a cell phone during meetings, before i did , i looked up and 3/4th of the staff were texting during the meetings.

Listeners enjoyed your segment, received e mails that stated your topic was important. You have a good radio style, also.

Thank You,

Best,

Bob Ney - talkradionews.com

Answer: It's too bad that you had to completely ban the use of cell phone during your meetings. The social graces of cell phones is that when in front of a live person or in a meeting they come first. Texting and answering your calls comes second. Same with the land line. I know lots of you had experiences when standing in line to buy something and the phone rings and the clerk answers it and helps the person that called when you are standing right there for while waiting to PAY! Didn't you want to walk out and spend your money some place else.

Question: Hello Grace,

A very good friend of mine (we were like sisters when we met and now we're fighting like we're sisters) has developed the habit of criticizing me thinking she is doing a good thing. We are on the same spiritual path, and part of the path is to introspect and improve ourselves.

I've told her in the past I don't want to be involved in pointing out her faults and letting her point mine out.

The last time she stayed at my house, we had a little "incident" in the kitchen where she started to use a cutting board that we never use and have never washed (it pulls out from under the counter..we are currently renting our home). My boyfriend and I quickly explained that we don't use that cutting board and I offered her one that we do use.

It seems her husband is very critical of her constantly and the situation reminded her of him. She spent the rest of the day telling me I needed to talk to my boyfriend to tell him to reform his actions and be more loving of people.

Answer: It is obvious that your girlfriend is going through some emotional issues that are not related to you or your boyfriend. Quoting from Don Ruiz's book The Four Agreements, "Don't Take Anything Personally, Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."

Another wards, she is troubled about something and it has nothing to do with you. You are her best friend. If you feel that you are strong enough to find out what is her root problem that is a start. You don't even have to give any advice just let her talk and you listen.
If she weren’t already feeling defensive about something else, you warning her about the cutting board would not even bother her. She would just say "Okay, thanks" and use what you gave her. If it is her husband that is causing her to be so touchy then why is he doing that to her? There is no love or respect towards her. You are seeing the behavior and affect on humans that are deprived of love or respect.

So all you have to do is recognize that she has other problems and don't take offense, let it go, it's not about you. This is when your compassion shows up. Ask her "How do you feel? Or what is it that's bothering you inside?" If she doesn't want to talk about it or jumps all over you it's time to stay away from her for a while. She's not ready. If you are close friends the time will come again to reach out. But don't reach out until you are stable in your emotions. Right now it's your turn to be the stable one since she's off balance. Again it's not about you. If you cannot handle her right now, keep a distance in a nice way. Let her know you care.

Another quote from Don Ruiz, "Don't Make Assumptions, Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life."

I hope this was helpful.

Question: is it proper to blow your nose at the table while everyone is eating

Answer: It is improper to blow your nose at the table when everyone is eating. But if you do have to blow your nose when seated at the table excuse yourself and find some place more private and then blow all you want. Make sure you clean your nostrils and throw out the tissue before returning to the table.

There are times when you eat something hot and your nose starts dripping no need to leave the table just blot your nose with your handkerchief or tissue just don't blow. Put the handkerchief or tissue where it is not easily seen such as in a pocket, under your napkin on the lap, or in your handbag. Probably more information then you asked for!

Question: Grace Lee - heard you on the Rhett Palmer radio program today, 10th December and wanted to tell you how much I appreciated your comments. You have a unique message to give to the world. Thank you.

Answer: Thank you. I am encouraged by your kind note.

Question: Dear Grace

What is the best way to do unexpected/surprise visit at someone's house I know and get behind the front door?

Also what is the best way to encourage someone to attend religious meetings, who hasn't been going for a while?

Thank you

Sincerely

Chris

Answer: First of all surprise visits at some one's house is not a good idea. In today’s world we really don't have any excuse not to make a call to let them know that you'd like to come visit. Most people want the courtesy of a phone call so they can prepare. If you know them well enough to just drop by just call them and say you are in their neighborhood and let them know that you would like to see them. If they are not home it will save you time. If they are in the middle of something important, or if they have other company it will give them a chance to let you know and arrange for another time.

I know in small towns dropping by some one's house is acceptable but it should only be done if you have a very close relationship with that person.

If for any reason you do stop by and the person doesn't want to invite you in, be understanding, apologize and if appropriate find out when is a good time.

If you are the one that got the surprise visit, you do not have to open the door. If you do and you are not ready for a guest just say so in a polite manner and tell them that you will call them later. Even though they are rude to just stop by, always be polite and give them a chance to repair the rudeness by asking them to call first.

Of course, if there was an emergency the situation is different and acceptable.

Your second question is not necessarily a social graces issue. I believe when it comes to religion the person has to be motivated and believe that attending the religious meeting would be beneficial to them.

People attend religious meetings for many reasons. It is all right to let them know that you would like them to attend a service with you especially if there is a special service or program. Churches are also great places to meet people so if you have someone in mind that may be able to help them, tell them there will be someone there you would like to introduce them to.

Religion is a choice. Give them a reason to attend. In your normal contact with them tell them about something interesting that happened at a service and then just add, casually, that they ought to go with you some time. You can do that more than once and they may say, "yes that sounds interesting", and then you invite them.

Question: Hi Grace,
When I saw you at the area contest in March, I remembered that I wanted to ask you something about posture.

Here it is: I find that I sometimes slouch either standing or sitting because I don't have strong back muscles. Do you know of a book or website to go to where I can find exercises designed to improve my posture by strengthening my back muscles? Or if that's not a good solution, what would be?
THANKS!

Ruth

Answer: Thank you for your questions. Your lower back is connected to your abdomen muscles. So the exercises you would be doing will be both your front and back muscles. I checked the Internet and found someone that made a nice video on lower back exercise. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tG1y0gYRcw) There are lots of exercises you can do at home to make your tummy and back muscles stronger. I would also recommend yoga.

We should keep physically active and agile especially when you reach 50 and over. Yoga would be great to incorporate into your life, too. It keeps the whole body alive.

It is important that you stand and walk with your tummy muscle tucked in. Do not let your tummy relax and balloon out. Holding your abdomen muscle strengths your lower back and buttocks muscles. It also makes your waist thinner which is always attractive on a female.

Also, pull your shoulders back and bring your breast straight up and forward. You will seem taller and slimmer. Your head should be in line with your spine. It should not stick out forward or behind your spine. Concentrating on standing and sitting properly will actually strengthen your back and become natural and more comfortable as time goes on.

Practice standing in formal stance to bring out your femininity.

This exercise will bring out the character of a poised and positive female.

For more information about social graces, I have written a book “Social Graces Essential Tools for Successful Ladies. If you are interested please let me know. It has not been posted on the site yet. This book will also have a on line videos, webinars and teleseminars that you can purchase with the book.

Question: what is the important of social graces

Answer: Social graces is important to people that want to live a happy and successful life. Important for those that want to learn to how to be successful in their personal and business relationships. While you learn your "how to" of social graces you become to understand the positive thinking process that comes along with the social graces. The "how to" of social graces and the "positive thinking" process that will follow will create all the successes you deserve.

Question: what are the importance of social graces?

Answer: Dear Sheila,

Social graces are the nice things you do for others and for yourself. Etiquette is from the book, but social graces are from the heart. When you use proper social graces, you find that success is attracted to you.
When I teach social graces, we start with the "first impression." If you don't make a good first impression, people will not give you a chance to develop a relationship. A great first impression can make the difference between getting hired or promoted, closing the sale - even getting asked out for a date. But if people don't like your first impression, you may never be given a second chance to show off your other great qualities. And the truth is that most people won't even bother to let you know what offended them. Instead, they will just avoid you.

In my classes, I also teach how to choose clothes that flatter your figure, and how to dress for any occasion. I cover proper carriage (posture and stances, standing, walking and pivoting), handshakes for social and business situations, table manners and restaurant etiquette, business etiquette, social etiquette, makeup and hair, healthy living, and much, much more. When you know proper social graces and etiquette, you're confident that you can handle any situation, and you are more happy, relaxed, polite and kind. In return, people are naturally attracted to you and want to be in your presence. They give you kindness and respect and want to help you succeed.

In conclusion, social graces are all about being kind to others by learning the proper way to treat both them and yourself.

I invite you to come to my one-day seminar or purchase my new book, Social Graces: Essential Tools for Successful Ladies, available in January, for more detailed information. Please feel free to contact me - and thanks for the great question!